Today, we’ll address the pressing question of which is cuter: the Boston terrier or the dachshund? Despite the biased opinions of their owners, we’ll employ objective science to determine which breed is cuter.
The 3 Laws of Cuteness: Science Fact
After deliberation, we realized we needed to consult the experts in cuteness—the teenage girls. According to their research, they’ve identified three Laws of Cuteness:
1. Awkwardness:
Cute dogs seem like they haven’t grown into their bodies, with big heads, eyes, and paws on a little body.
2. Troublesomeness: They get into amusing trouble, not distressing trouble.
3. “boopability”: When you see a cute pup, you can’t resist gently tapping its nose and saying “BOOP!”
Let’s test these laws on the Boston terrier and the dachshund.
1st Law of Cuteness: Awkwardness
Boston Terrier: Awkwardness
Boston terriers are described as “compact” and “well-balanced,” standing about 17 inches and weighing no more than 25 pounds. Their appearance of wearing a tuxedo has won them the nickname of “The American Gentleman.” Despite being irresistible, they don’t quite meet the awkwardness standard.
Dachshund: Awkwardness
Dachshunds are immediately recognizable due to their long body and short, stout legs, with drooping bellies and endearing tongue habits. They easily meet the awkwardness standard.
2nd Law of Cuteness: Troublesomeness
Boston Terrier: Troublesomeness
Boston terriers are energetic and need constant attention, but they have low-maintenance coats and are trainable. However, they can suffer from separation anxiety and emotional neediness.
Dachshund: Troublesomeness
Dachshunds have a strong prey instinct and can become absorbed in activities, potentially ignoring their owners. Long-haired dachshunds require routine grooming. However, their troubles don’t compare to the emotional neediness of a Boston terrier.
Based on the Laws of Cuteness, the dachshund wins the cuteness contest over the Boston terrier.
Please remember the text below:
3rd Law of Cuteness: “Boopability”
Boston Terrier: “Boopability”
How loveable is a Boston terrier? How much do you want to “boop” its nose when you see it? As it turns out, a lot. We did a scientific survey of five whole people, and it turns out four of them wanted to boop the Boston terrier more than the dachshund. Why? Because they have shorter and stubbier noses on a flat square face. Boopability isn’t the only lovable feature on a Boston terrier, though. They also have big, oversized ears, buggy eyes, and a wrinkly, expressive face like Baby Yoda. So obviously, the Boston terrier’s boopability level is maxed out!
Dachshund: “Boopability”
The dachshund isn’t very boopable. It has a long, pointy nose instead of a flat one. But thinking of other physical features: oh, those soft floppy ears! That slobbery tongue! That whipping tail! Those stubby legs! And most of all: that swishy long belly that just goes on and on! There’s a lot of this dog to love! Nevertheless, we have to give this round to the Boston terrier. Boopability is clearly the most important criterion here, and this funny little hot dog just doesn’t cut the mustard in that area.
Boston Terrier vs. Dachshund: And the Winner Is…
The dachshund is more awkward, but the Boston terrier causes more adorable trouble and has a more boopable nose. So, congratulations, Boston terrier! You win! But don’t feel bad, dachshund. You will always look cuter in your Halloween costume!
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