The actress was finally sober, single, and getting back to work when her beloved younger brother died suddenly. Here’s how she’s doing her best to heal from the trauma.
A Promising Year Turns Tragic
2023 was supposed to be a very good year for actress Hayden Panettiere. The Amber Alert star, who had struggled for years with drugs and alcohol addiction, was clean and sober after spending time at an in-patient rehab facility in early 2020. She had also just ended an abusive on-and-off relationship with her ex-boyfriend and was thrilled to be back at work for Scream 6.
Then, just three weeks before the film’s February 2023 premiere, the unthinkable happened: Her beloved younger brother, Jansen, passed away unexpectedly due to an undiagnosed heart condition at just 28 years old. Panettiere’s world was turned upside down.
Grieving a Sibling: ‘I Lost Half of My Soul’
“He was my only sibling, and it was my job to protect him,” Panettiere shares in an exclusive interview with PEOPLE for this week’s cover story. “When I lost him, I felt like I lost half of my soul.”
Panettiere, 35, struggled with the loss, and in the days following her brother’s death, she found it increasingly difficult to leave her house, especially after being followed by photographers.
The Toll of Grief: A Struggle with Agoraphobia
“I had to see horrific paparazzi pictures of myself coming out of Jansen’s funeral, which happened in a very private place, and it was shocking,” she recalls. “My agoraphobia came out, which is something I’ve struggled with in the past.”
Her grief took a physical toll on her body as well. Just days after the shock of Jansen’s passing, Panettiere experienced rapid weight gain, which further affected her self-esteem.
“I just ballooned out,” she says of the physical reaction caused by stress and cortisol. “I didn’t feel confident enough to put on clothes and get out of the house, but I knew I needed to keep moving or I’d never stop looking and feeling this way.”
Finding Strength Through Fitness and Connection
Determined to regain her confidence and move forward, Panettiere knew she needed help. That’s when her publicist introduced her to personal trainer Marnie Alton, who helped change Panettiere’s outlook on life.
Panettiere began training slowly, forming a deep trust and connection with Alton. She particularly cherished the long walks they took together, where they talked about Panettiere’s past and the emotional burden she carried.
Healing Through Movement and Therapy
“These long, beautiful walks were like therapy sessions where we could vent,” Panettiere shares. “Marnie empowered me.” The endorphins from exercise elevated her mood and helped release the stress she had been carrying.
“My body just started reacting,” she explains. “It wasn’t just from working out, but also from releasing the high expectations I always put on myself.” As her insecurities faded, so did her agoraphobia. “There’s nothing like looking in the mirror and feeling like you look good enough to walk out the door.”
Living with Loss and Gaining a New Perspective
She’s still learning how to live with the loss of her brother. Panettiere has gained a new perspective on life. Panettiere has gained a new perspective on life. “When something that massive happens to you, you learn to pick your fights. You learn not to let little things upset you,” she says. “Once something so horrific, so deep, so catastrophic happens in your life, there’s not much that can really rock you.”
Moving Forward with Gratitude
While Panettiere is looking forward to the release of her new movie Amber Alert (in theaters Sept. 27), she’s most grateful to be feeling more and more like herself every day. However, she admits that the trauma of losing Jansen is something she will carry with her forever.
“I will always be heartbroken about it. I will never be able to get over it,” she says. “No matter how many years go by, I will never get over his loss.”
In Search of Healing and Hope
Panettiere continues her journey of healing and recovery. She hopes to inspire others who are also dealing with trauma and grief. Despite the pain of her brother’s passing, she remains committed to living a life of purpose and gratitude. She does her best to move forward with love and resilience.
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